I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
