she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
