For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
