He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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