I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
