i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize