i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
