I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
MIDGETS
????
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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