I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
