I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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