So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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