PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i used baking grease as lip gloss
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
