Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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