sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
