Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
