Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
