just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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