i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
