bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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