Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
