I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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