She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
