she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
