I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize