I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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