Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
