She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
