it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
