Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My penis needs a shock collar
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
did you just send me my own nude
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize