i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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