I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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