And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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