Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
