Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Randomize
