I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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