her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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