sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize