I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
