Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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