....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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