1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Acid is not a monday night drug
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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