Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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