when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
