I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
