I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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