Need sex. Gaining weight.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
