Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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