Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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