I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
