thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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