I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
