The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
