just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
