Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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