Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
