Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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