he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
