the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize