I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
handjob tips. give me some.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
