The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
