I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
