Sorry, I don't speak sober.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
