Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
