how can u be prego again
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
