He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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