I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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