The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize