stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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