I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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