I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
